Bullying is a sad
reality that affects many people – children and adults. There are as many approaches to handling the
situation as there people. Mr. Huff, in
his article from Bully-Proof Kids denounces the Christian philosophy of
“turning the other cheek” as ineffective against bullies. While expounding an FBI study of bullies, he
also gave a description of himself as a typical victim: weak, unsure, and
wilting. In his hatred of bullies, he
reduces them to animals. What’s worse,
he equates turning the other cheek with running away or being a coward. I believe he does not fully understand this,
the most fundamental Biblical principle, as he could not give an explanation of
it. The Bible teaches that when someone
strikes you on the face that you are to turn the other cheek to allow that
person to strike both cheeks.
Turning the other
cheek does not demand that one surrender their dignity or give their power
away! It is standing your ground while
offering the bully a chance for redemption.
For this philosophy, there must be brotherly love towards the
bully. He is correct in saying that
bullies pick on those who seem weak and so he equates turning the cheek with
weakness. It can be assumed that Mr.
Huff lacked self-confidence and portrayed an effete character. In the FBI study he focused on how criminals
choose their victims and surmised that the Bible’s teaching was to blame – that
it invites a bully’s attention. How far
from the truth this is! Being prepared
to turn the other cheek does not mean that someone is a coward – on the
contrary, it means that they are strong and compassionate.
Many bullies are
not malicious by nature and are only lashing because they were mistreated also. If they are given the chance to have someone
be kind to them, then the need to hurt others can be diminished or healed. This approach does work in many
instances. For example, a boy in my high
school was abused by his father and came to school every day with scorn on his
tongue, belittling anyone who looked at him, and often got into fights. But I knew that he was just hurting and just
needed some kindness. So everyday I
smiled at him and endured his hurtful comments until he realized that at least
one person cared about him. His pain eased
and he started smiling at others, who then befriended him. There was no cause for him to bully anymore.
To associate
bullies with animals strips them of their humanity and allows for hatred. This solves nothing, and indeed, exacerbates
the situation. The philosophy of good
will to all people, the aforementioned “turning the other cheek,” also
prescribes a limit of 70 times 7, which means try to help your fellow human
being – bully or not - for as long as you can.
But the time may come when it does no good for either of you. Some bullies genuinely enjoy seeing others
miserable. But so long as one has firm
self-confidence, no one will ever take your power from you; that is something that
only you can give away. An example of
this is my ex-husband, whom Mr. Huff would call an “energy-sucker.” For years, I loyally turned the other cheek
to his abuses in the hopes of helping him and our marriage, but when it was
clear that no change was coming from him, I turned away and left. Turning the
other cheek does not tell us to be a door mat!
Mr. Huff’s case is
tragic on at least two counts. Firstly, that through all of his 12 years of
childhood education he never strengthened his character so as to not be a
target, nor did he ever care for what those who bullied him were going through. But that he feels he has to blame a
philosophy of which he seems ignorant is also sad. The problem here and with so many bullying
situations is not the Christian principle of love. The problem is with a lack of self-confidence
and empathy on the part of the victim and of the bully.
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